Last Updated on January 27, 2026 by Lila Sjöberg
Can I be honest with you? The first time my toddler threw a full-body, screaming-on-the-floor tantrum in the middle of a grocery store, I wanted to cry right alongside her. Every eye in the place seemed to be watching, judging, wondering what kind of parent raises a child who acts like this. But here is what I have learned since then: tantrums are not a sign of bad parenting or a broken child. They are a completely normal part of toddler development — and how we respond to them matters far more than whether they happen at all. So how do you handle them without losing your own mind in the process?
Key Takeaways
Tantrums are developmentally normal and actually indicate healthy emotional development — toddlers have big feelings and immature brains that cannot regulate them yet. Staying calm yourself is the single most effective tantrum strategy because your nervous system helps regulate theirs. Prevention works better than intervention; identifying triggers like hunger, tiredness, and overstimulation helps you avoid many meltdowns before they start. The goal is not to stop tantrums from ever happening — it is to support your child through them while keeping everyone safe.
The Short Answer
Handle toddler tantrums by staying calm yourself, ensuring safety, offering connection without giving in to unreasonable demands, and waiting for the storm to pass. Your steady presence teaches emotional regulation better than any words during the moment.
Why Tantrums Happen
Before we talk strategy, let us talk biology. Your toddler’s prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and rational thinking — will not be fully developed until their mid-twenties. They are working with incomplete equipment, and expecting adult-level emotional control from them is like expecting a tricycle to perform like a sports car.
When your toddler wants something they cannot have, or feels frustrated, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed, their brain literally cannot process those feelings the way yours can. The tantrum is not manipulation or defiance — it is a neurological overflow. Their feelings are too big for their brain to handle, and the only outlet is that full-body explosion you are witnessing.
Understanding this changes everything. You stop asking what is wrong with my child and start asking what does my child need right now. That shift makes you a more effective parent and a calmer one too.
In the Moment: Your Tantrum Response Toolkit
When a tantrum hits, your first job is managing yourself. I know that sounds backwards when your child is the one screaming, but your calm is contagious — and so is your panic. Take a breath. Remind yourself this is normal. Lower your voice instead of raising it.
Get down to their level physically. Kneeling or sitting brings you into their space without looming over them. Some children want to be held during tantrums; others need space. Learn what yours prefers by trying both and watching their response.
Keep your words minimal. A screaming toddler cannot process a lecture. Simple phrases work best: I am here. You are safe. I will not let you hurt yourself. You are having a hard time. Save the teaching for after the storm passes.
Do not try to reason with them mid-tantrum. Logic requires the prefrontal cortex, which is currently offline. Explaining why they cannot have the cookie or why we need to leave the park falls on deaf ears when they are flooded with emotion. Wait until they are calm to discuss what happened.
The Prevention Game
The best tantrum is the one that never happens. While you cannot prevent all meltdowns, you can dramatically reduce their frequency by addressing common triggers.
Hunger and tiredness are the top culprits. A well-fed, well-rested toddler has more capacity to handle frustration. Watch your timing — errands right before naptime or lunch are asking for trouble. Keep snacks accessible. Protect sleep fiercely.
Transitions trigger many tantrums. Toddlers do not shift gears easily. Give warnings before changes: Five more minutes at the playground, then we are going home. Use visual timers if verbal warnings do not land. Create transition rituals — a goodbye song for leaving places, a specific order for the bedtime routine.
Overstimulation overwhelms small nervous systems. Busy shopping centres, loud events, too many activities in one day — these deplete your toddler’s coping reserves. Build in downtime. Leave events before meltdown point rather than pushing through.
What About Public Tantrums?
Ah, the public tantrum! The one we love! 😅 The one that makes you want to disappear into the floor. I have been there, feeling those judgmental eyes while my child loses it in aisle seven.
Here is what helped me: remembering that every parent has been there. Every single one. The people watching have either experienced this themselves or will someday. And the ones judging? Their opinion of my parenting during a three-minute snapshot means nothing.
Your approach in public should match your approach at home. Stay calm, stay close, keep them safe, wait it out. If possible, move to a quieter spot — not as punishment, but to reduce stimulation for both of you. The car park, a quiet corner, outside the shop. Sometimes removing the audience helps everyone.
Do not give in to demands just because you are in public. If you said no to the toy at home, saying yes in the shop because they are screaming teaches them that screaming in public works. Consistency matters even when it is hard.
After the Storm
When the tantrum ends, your child needs reconnection. They have just experienced something overwhelming and scary for them too. A hug, a calm voice, acknowledgment of their feelings — these repair the rupture.
With older toddlers and preschoolers, you can briefly discuss what happened once they are fully calm. You were really upset because you wanted that toy. It is hard when we cannot have what we want. Keep it short and validating, not lecturing.
Do not hold grudges. Once it is over, it is over. Toddlers live in the present moment, and so should your response to them. Move on to the next activity without lingering resentment or repeated references to the meltdown.
When Tantrums Are Not Typical
While tantrums are normal, some patterns warrant professional input. If tantrums are extremely frequent, last unusually long, involve self-harm or harming others, or include breath-holding until passing out, mention these to your paediatrician.
Similarly, if tantrums do not decrease at all as your child approaches age four, or if they seem to escalate rather than improve over time, a professional assessment can identify whether something else is contributing. Trust your instincts — you know your child best.
Toddler Tantrums FAQ
My toddler only tantrums with me, not with other caregivers. What does that mean?
It means your toddler feels safest with you. Children often save their biggest feelings for the people they trust most to love them unconditionally. It is actually a compliment, even though it does not feel like one when you are the only one dealing with meltdowns.
Should I ignore tantrums completely?
Not completely. Ignoring the behaviour is different from ignoring the child. Stay present, stay calm, but do not engage with the screaming or negotiate during the meltdown. Your presence matters even when you are not actively doing anything.
My partner and I handle tantrums differently. Is that confusing for our child?
Some variation is fine — children learn that different people respond differently. But wildly inconsistent approaches can increase tantrums. Discuss your general philosophy and try to align on the big things, even if details differ.
Will tantrums ever stop?
They decrease significantly as language develops and the brain matures. Most children have far fewer tantrums by age four. The tantrum years are intense but temporary. For more on developmental stages, our love language guide explores how children express and receive love differently.
You Are Doing Better Than You Think
Here is what I want you to hear, mama: handling tantrums imperfectly still counts as handling them. You do not need to be endlessly patient. You do not need to never raise your voice. You do not need to have the magic phrase that stops meltdowns instantly.
What you need is to keep showing up. To repair when you mess up. To remember that your screaming toddler is not giving you a hard time — they are having a hard time. And to trust that this phase, like all phases, will pass.
So the next time you are kneeling on a supermarket floor while your toddler rages about the wrong colour cup, take a breath. You are not failing. You are parenting a toddler. And that, my friend, is one of the hardest jobs there is. How are you holding up? I would love to hear what is working in your house.
Lila.
