Last Updated on January 31, 2026 by Lila Sjöberg
I need to start by being honest with you: I have not walked this path myself. I have not experienced the particular weight of solo motherhood — the nights when there is no one to hand the crying baby to, the decisions that rest entirely on your shoulders, the fear of what happens if you get sick.
But I have watched women I love navigate this journey. I have sat with friends through separations that shattered their vision of family. I have witnessed the quiet strength of mothers who chose this path deliberately. And I have seen, again and again, that solo motherhood is one of the hardest and bravest things a person can do. If you are reading this, I want you to know that you are seen, you are not alone in feeling alone, and there is a path forward — even when you cannot see it yet.
Key Takeaways
Solo motherhood comes through many doors — by choice, by circumstance, by someone else’s decision — and none of these paths is easier than another; your struggle is valid regardless of how you arrived here. The emotions you are feeling, whether grief or relief or anger or all of them at once, are normal responses to an enormously difficult situation and deserve space rather than suppression. Children raised by solo parents can absolutely thrive; what they need is not two parents but stability, love, and a parent who takes care of themselves enough to be present. Building support systems is not optional but essential — you cannot do this entirely alone, and asking for help is strength, not failure.
The Short Answer
Solo motherhood is extraordinarily challenging but absolutely survivable. Focus on processing your emotions rather than pushing through them, build the strongest support network you can, simplify your life ruthlessly, protect your own wellbeing fiercely, and trust that this overwhelming season will not last forever.
The Many Roads to Solo Motherhood
There is no single story of how mothers end up parenting alone. Some chose this path deliberately — using a donor, pursuing adoption, deciding that waiting for a partner was not the right choice for them. Some found themselves here through circumstances they did not choose — a relationship ending, a partner leaving, a death that stole the future they had planned.
These different paths carry different emotional weight. If you chose solo motherhood, you may have prepared practically but still find the reality harder than expected. You may face judgment from people who do not understand your choice. You may grieve the partnership you hoped might still come while fiercely loving the family you created on your own terms.
If solo motherhood came through separation or divorce, you are processing the end of a relationship alongside the demands of parenting alone. There may be anger, betrayal, grief for the family you thought you were building. There may be relief mixed with guilt about feeling relieved. There may be co-parenting complexities that keep the wound from fully healing.
If you lost a partner to death, you carry a grief that is profound and particular — parenting your child while mourning their other parent, holding space for their loss while managing your own.
None of these paths is easier than another. Comparison serves no one. Whatever road brought you here, you are facing something genuinely difficult, and you deserve support without having to prove your situation is hard enough to warrant it.
The Emotional Weight No One Prepares You For
The practical challenges of solo parenting are obvious: one income, one pair of hands, one person making every decision and handling every crisis. But the emotional weight often catches mothers off guard.
There is grief — even if you chose this, even if leaving was the right decision, even if you are relieved. Grief for the family you imagined. Grief for the partnership you thought you would have. Grief for the version of motherhood where someone shares the load.
There is fear. Fear about money, about managing alone, about what happens if you get sick or cannot cope. Fear about your child’s wellbeing, about what they might be missing, about whether you are enough.
There is loneliness that is hard to articulate. You may have friends and family, but there is a particular isolation in being the only adult in your household, the only one who hears the 3 AM crying, the only one responsible for everything.
There may be anger — at a partner who left, at circumstances that are unfair, at a society that makes solo parenting harder than it needs to be. There may be guilt — about the situation your child is in, about moments when you are not the parent you want to be, about any relief you feel.
These emotions are not signs that you are failing. They are normal responses to an extraordinarily difficult situation. They need space, not suppression. Processing them — through journaling, therapy, trusted friends, whatever works for you — is not self-indulgence. It is necessary work that makes you more available to your child, not less.
Rewriting the Story
Our culture has a persistent narrative about single-parent families: broken, incomplete, less than. Your child will hear this narrative. You will hear it, in comments from others and in your own worried thoughts. It is worth actively challenging.
Your child has a family. It may look different from some families, but it is not broken or incomplete. It is a family shaped by your circumstances and held together by your love. Different is not damaged.
Research on children of single parents consistently shows that outcomes depend far more on the quality of parenting, the stability of the home environment, and the resources available than on family structure itself. Children need to feel secure, loved, and seen. They need a parent who is present and attuned. They need stability and routine. None of these things require two parents.
What does affect children negatively is ongoing conflict, instability, a parent too depleted to be present, or poverty and its associated stresses. These are the things to address — not the absence of a second parent per se, but the practical challenges that solo parenting can bring.
When you catch yourself thinking my child is missing out, try reframing: what is my child gaining? A parent who models resilience. A home without conflict. A mother who is learning to rely on herself. These are not consolation prizes; they are genuine gifts.
Building Your Village
The saying it takes a village exists because it is true. No parent — solo or partnered — is meant to raise children entirely alone. For solo mothers, building that village is not optional. It is essential for survival.
Start by taking honest inventory. Who in your life can you rely on? Family members who can help with childcare, even occasionally. Friends who will show up when you need them. Neighbours who might watch your child for an hour. Community resources — churches, parent groups, local organisations — that offer support.
Then comes the hard part: asking for help. Many solo mothers resist this. It feels like admitting you cannot cope, like burdening others, like failing at something you should be able to handle. But asking for help is not weakness. It is wisdom. No one can do this alone, and pretending you can leads to burnout that serves no one.
Be specific in your asks. Not let me know if you can help sometime, but can you watch the kids Saturday afternoon so I can have a few hours? Specific requests are easier for people to say yes to and more likely to actually happen.
Seek out communities of other solo parents. Online groups, local meetups, single-parent organisations. There is profound relief in being with people who understand without explanation, who face the same challenges, who can share practical wisdom and emotional support.
Consider professional support. A therapist who understands your situation. A financial advisor to help you plan. A parenting coach if you need guidance. These are investments in your stability, not luxuries.
Practical Foundations
Emotional wellbeing matters enormously, but so do practical foundations. Stability helps everyone — you and your child.
Financial clarity comes first. This does not mean having abundant resources; it means understanding exactly where you stand. What is your income? What are your expenses? What support are you entitled to? What needs to change? Facing financial reality is frightening, but uncertainty is worse. Once you know the facts, you can make a plan.
Routines matter more in solo-parent households because you have less flexibility to wing it. Predictable rhythms for mornings, meals, and bedtimes reduce daily decision-making and help children feel secure. Our morning routine guide offers a starting point.
Simplify everything you can. You have less capacity than a two-parent household, and that is simply fact, not failure. Lower standards for housekeeping. Simplify meals. Reduce commitments that drain more than they give. This season requires conservation of energy, not optimisation of output.
Plan for emergencies. What happens if you get sick? Who can you call at 2 AM? Where are important documents? Having backup plans reduces anxiety even if you never need them.
Protecting Your Child Through Transition
If your solo motherhood came through separation or loss, your child is processing their own version of this change. Their needs deserve attention even while you are managing your own grief.
Children need age-appropriate honesty. They do not need details of adult conflicts or reasons for blame. They need simple, reassuring truths: Mummy and Daddy are not going to live together anymore, but we both love you and that will never change. Or, Daddy died, and that is very sad, and I am here with you always.
They need stability in the midst of change. Keep routines consistent as much as possible. Maintain their activities and friendships. Let their world stay predictable even when your world is in upheaval.
Watch for signs they may need extra support: regression in behaviour, changes in sleep or eating, increased anxiety or anger, withdrawal. Children process big emotions differently than adults, and sometimes they need help from a professional who specialises in children.
If there is another parent in the picture, navigate that relationship as carefully as you can, keeping your child’s wellbeing at the centre. Your feelings about your ex are valid, but your child’s relationship with their other parent — when that parent is safe — matters for their development. This is hard when you are hurt, but it is important.
Taking Care of You
Here is what I have observed watching solo mothers: self-care is often the first thing sacrificed and the most critical thing to protect. When you are the only adult, there is always something more urgent than your own needs. But depleting yourself completely serves no one — least of all your child.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. This is not a cliché; it is physics. Your child needs you functional. That means you need sleep, food, some form of rest, and emotional support. These are not luxuries you will get to eventually. They are requirements for sustainability.
Find small pockets. It will not be spa days or long weekends away. It might be fifteen minutes with a cup of tea after bedtime. A phone call with a friend during nap time. A few pages of a book before you fall asleep. Our self-care guide has ideas for fitting restoration into impossible schedules.
Notice when you are reaching your limits. Burnout in solo mothers is common because there is no one to hand off to when you are depleted. Learn your warning signs. Build in recovery before you hit the wall, not after. Ask for help before you are desperate, not once you have collapsed.
Your wellbeing is not separate from your child’s. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of them.
The Long View
When you are in the thick of solo parenting young children, it can feel endless. The exhaustion, the relentlessness, the weight of sole responsibility — it stretches ahead like an infinite road.
It is not infinite. Children grow. They become more independent. They start school, then they can make their own breakfast, then they can stay home alone for an hour. Your capacity expands as their needs change. The intensity of this season will not last forever.
I have watched solo mothers emerge from the hardest years and discover they built something remarkable. Children who are resilient and compassionate because they watched their mother be both. A sense of capability that comes from surviving what felt unsurvivable. A life that, while different from what they imagined, is genuinely good.
That does not mean the hard is not hard right now. It is. But holding the long view alongside the present struggle can offer a thread of hope on the darkest days. This will not always be this hard. You will not always feel this overwhelmed. The future holds possibilities you cannot yet see.
Solo Parenting FAQ
My child keeps asking about their other parent. How do I handle this?
Answer honestly at an age-appropriate level. It is okay to say I do not know or That makes me sad too if those are true. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent to your child, even if your feelings are complicated. If questions persist or seem to cause distress, a child therapist can help them process.
I feel like I am failing every single day. Am I damaging my child?
Feeling like you are failing is almost universal among solo mothers and does not mean you are actually failing. Children are resilient. What they need is not a perfect parent but a present one who loves them and keeps trying. If you are worried about your parenting, that very worry suggests you care deeply — which is the foundation of good parenting.
Is it okay to think about dating and future relationships?
Yes. Your life did not stop when you became a solo parent. When and whether to date is a personal decision based on your readiness, your child’s adjustment, and your circumstances. There is no right timeline. Some mothers need years before they are ready; others find new partnership sooner. Protect your child from instability by being thoughtful about introductions, but do not feel guilty for wanting adult companionship.
How do I respond when my child says other kids have two parents or asks why our family is different?
Normalise family diversity: Families come in all different shapes. Some have two parents, some have one, some live with grandparents, some have two mums or two dads. Our family is you and me, and we love each other. Simple, matter-of-fact, without apology. Your tone teaches them how to feel about their family structure.
I have no support system. What do I do?
Building support from scratch is hard but possible. Start with any connection point: online communities for single parents, local parent groups, religious communities if that fits for you, neighbourhood connections. One relationship at a time. It takes effort when you have little to spare, but isolation makes everything harder. Even small connections help.
You Are Showing Them Strength
I want to leave you with something I have seen over and over in the solo mothers I know: your children are watching you, and what they are seeing is extraordinary. 🥰
They are watching you face hard things without running away. They are watching you solve problems, manage crises, keep going when everything feels impossible. They are watching you love them fiercely even when you are exhausted. They are watching you build a life from circumstances you did not necessarily choose.
That is not a deficit they are growing up with. That is a profound gift. Resilience is taught by example more than by words, and you are teaching it every single day.
This is not the path you may have imagined. It is harder than anyone who has not walked it can fully understand. But you are walking it. You are doing something incredibly difficult, and you are doing it with love.
That matters. You matter. And your child is lucky to have you — not despite your circumstances, but because of who you are within them.
If you are mothering alone, I would be honoured to hear your story. What has helped you? What do you wish others understood? We learn from each other, and your wisdom could be exactly what another solo mother needs to hear.
Lila with Love. 🥰
I needed to read this today. I became a solo mom six months ago when my husband left, and some days the guilt and exhaustion feel overwhelming. The part about emotions being valid regardless of how you arrived here really hit me. I’ve been so hard on myself for feeling angry AND relieved at the same time. Thank you Lila for reminding me that asking for help isn’t weakness. Sharing this with my sister who’s going through something similar.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Michelle. Sending you and your sister much strength. 💕