Last Updated on January 18, 2026 by Lila Sjöberg
Every self-care article I read before becoming a mom featured things like “schedule a weekly massage” and “take long bubble baths.” Which is adorable, truly. Now my self-care routine involves drinking coffee while it’s still hot and occasionally peeing alone. The bar has been adjusted.
But here’s what I’ve learned: a self-care routine doesn’t have to look like a spa catalog. It just has to work for YOUR actual life — the one with the small humans demanding things and the never-ending pile of responsibilities and the approximately zero hours of unscheduled time.
Key Takeaways
The best self-care routine is one you’ll actually do, which means it has to fit into your real schedule — not an imaginary one with more time. Tiny habits done consistently are more effective than elaborate rituals done rarely. Your self-care routine should evolve as your life changes — what works with a newborn won’t be the same as what works with a toddler. Building self-care into existing habits makes it nearly automatic.
The Short Answer: Create a sustainable self-care routine by identifying small, meaningful practices that can be attached to things you already do daily. Focus on consistency over duration — five minutes every day beats an hour once a month. Adjust as your life changes.
Let’s build something that actually works. No hour-long commitments. No expensive equipment. Just a routine that fits into the life you already have.
Why Most Self-Care Advice Fails Moms
Most self-care content assumes you have two things: time and energy. As a mom, you have neither. Telling an exhausted mother to “just wake up an hour early for yoga” misses the point entirely — that hour might be the only sleep she’s getting.
The other problem is the all-or-nothing thinking. If you can’t do the full 20-minute meditation, why bother? If you can’t go to the gym three times a week, just give up? This thinking guarantees failure because mom life is inherently unpredictable.
A better approach: build a self-care routine that’s flexible, minimal, and integrated into your existing day. Something that works on good days AND bad days. Something you can scale up when you have more time and scale down when everything’s chaos.
The Building Blocks Approach
Instead of one elaborate routine, think of self-care as building blocks you can mix and match. Some days you might stack several blocks together. Other days, you grab one block and that’s enough.
These blocks should cover different needs: physical care (movement, sleep, nourishment), mental care (quiet, creativity, learning), emotional care (connection, expression, processing), and sensory care (pleasant experiences for your senses).
For example, my morning block is: splash water on face, drink a full glass of water, step outside for one minute of fresh air. Takes maybe three minutes total. My evening block is: wash face properly, apply lotion mindfully, three deep breaths before bed. Also about three minutes. Neither is impressive, but both happen almost every day because they’re attached to things I’m already doing.
Our 15-minute self-love revolution breaks down more ideas for these micro-moments. The magic is in the consistency, not the duration.
Habit Stacking for Busy Moms
The most reliable way to build a self-care routine is to attach new habits to existing ones. You already brush your teeth — that’s a trigger for something else. You already make coffee — another trigger. You already put kids to bed — one more.
It works like this: “After I [existing habit], I will [tiny self-care practice].” After I pour my coffee, I take three deep breaths. After I buckle kids into the car, I do a quick shoulder roll. After I turn off the bathroom light at night, I apply hand cream mindfully.
The habit stack doesn’t feel like adding things because you’re piggybacking on the momentum of what you’re already doing. No willpower required — just a decision made once that plays out automatically.
Morning Anchors
Mornings set the tone, even when they’re chaotic. Having one tiny practice that’s yours — before the demands start — can make a surprising difference. This doesn’t mean waking up at 5 AM for a two-hour routine (unless that’s genuinely your thing). It means one small intentional moment.
Maybe it’s drinking your first sip of coffee with your eyes closed, actually tasting it. Maybe it’s stretching for 30 seconds while the water heats. Maybe it’s looking out the window and taking one deep breath before the day officially begins. Our morning routine guide has more ideas, but start with just one thing.
The key is: this happens before you’re fully “on duty.” Even if kids are awake, you can carve out sixty seconds that belong to you. It signals to your brain that you matter, that your needs exist, that you’re not just a caregiver-machine booting up for another day of service.
Midday Resets
By midday, most moms are running on autopilot and fumes. A tiny reset — even just two minutes — can prevent the complete depletion that hits by dinner time.
Find a natural pause point in your day. Naptime is obvious if it exists in your life. School pickup line is another. Lunch (assuming you eat, which you should). That moment after cleaning up one mess and before the next mess appears.
During that pause: step outside if possible, even just to the porch. Splash cold water on your face. Eat something nourishing. Sit down for a minute. Put your phone away and just be still. It doesn’t have to be elaborate — just intentional.
If you work outside the home, your midday reset might happen in a bathroom stall (no shame) or parked in your car for an extra minute before going inside. Whatever works. The point is to break the continuous output with a moment of input.
Evening Wind-Down
Evenings are tricky because you’re tired but also finally “off duty” and want to enjoy that freedom. The temptation is to scroll your phone for two hours and call it self-care, but we both know that doesn’t leave you feeling refreshed.
A better evening routine bridges the gap between parenting mode and rest mode. Something to signal to your body that the day is ending. For many moms, a skincare routine works well — it’s inherently self-focused and requires no decisions. Our personal care essentials page has some nice products, but drugstore basics work fine too.
Other evening options: gentle stretching, reading something enjoyable (not parenting advice, just for fun), journaling a few sentences, preparing something nice for tomorrow-you (clothes laid out, bag packed, coffee maker ready). These small acts of caring for yourself and your future self are profoundly self-caring.
I recommend the following notebooks/journals to write a few words per day, why? Because we forget and there are things or details you will laugh at in a few years reading them, sharing anecdotes with your grown kids, now adult. These are edited by Simon de Lafronde and are available on Amazon. Simon is nothing less than my Mentor in life. 💖
The Weekly Treat
Daily micro-moments are the foundation, but having something slightly bigger to look forward to helps too. This doesn’t need to be expensive or time-consuming — just something that feels like a treat.
Maybe it’s a face mask while watching your show on Sunday night. Maybe it’s a solo grocery run where you browse without rushing (somehow this becomes a treat when you have kids). Maybe it’s 20 minutes of reading in the bath after kids are in bed. Maybe it’s ordering your favorite coffee once a week instead of making it at home.
Put it on the calendar. Protect it. When someone asks if you can do something during that time, you’re “busy.” You don’t have to explain that you’re busy taking a bath. Just busy.
When Everything Falls Apart
The best self-care routine is one that has a “minimum viable” version for the hard days. When kids are sick, when you’re sick, when life is just Life-ing at maximum volume — what’s the absolute bare minimum you’ll still do?
For me, it’s: drink water, wash face, three breaths. That’s it. On the worst days, that’s all I commit to. It takes about two minutes total. And because I still do it, the habit stays intact. I don’t have to rebuild from zero when things calm down.
Decide now what your minimum is. Write it down! When chaos hits, you don’t have to think — just do those two or three things. Survival self-care is still self-care.
Adjusting as Life Changes
Your self-care routine with a newborn will look different than with a toddler, which will look different than with school-age kids. This isn’t failure — it’s adaptation. What works now might not work in six months, and that’s okay.
Check in with yourself periodically: Is this routine still serving me? Am I actually doing it? Does it need to be simpler? More substantial? Different entirely? Your needs change. Your schedule changes. Your routine should change too.
The goal isn’t to find the perfect routine and lock it in forever. The goal is to have something — anything — that helps you take care of yourself in whatever season you’re currently in.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I build a routine when every day is different?
Focus on anchor points that exist most days: waking up, meal times, kids’ bedtime. Even if everything between those points is chaos, you can attach tiny habits to those anchors. The routine doesn’t need to happen at the same time — just triggered by the same events.
I start routines but can’t stick with them. What am I doing wrong?
Probably trying to do too much. Scale way back. If you can’t stick to a 10-minute routine, try a 2-minute one. The goal is consistency, not impressiveness. Once a tiny routine is automatic, you can add to it. But start smaller than you think you need to.
What if I don’t know what self-care activities work for me?
Experiment. Try different things for a few days each and notice how you feel. Some people are energized by movement; others need stillness. Some find connection restorative; others need solitude. There’s no right answer — just what works for you personally.
How do I deal with guilt about taking time for myself?
Reframe self-care as maintenance, not indulgence. You maintain your car, your home, your kids’ health — why not yourself? A well-cared-for mom is more patient, more present, and more capable. You’re not taking from your family; you’re sustaining the person they depend on.
My partner doesn’t understand why I need a routine. How do I explain it?
Frame it in practical terms: “When I take five minutes for myself in the morning, I’m calmer and more patient all day. It makes everything run better.” Avoid: “Can’t you see I’m tired?” Most partners respond to outcomes. Show them the difference it makes. If they still don’t get it, do it anyway. You don’t need permission for basic self-maintenance.
Your Routine Starts Today
Don’t wait for the perfect time or the perfect routine. Start with one tiny thing tomorrow morning. Attach it to something you already do. See if you can do it three days in a row. That’s the whole beginning.
A self-care routine isn’t about becoming someone who has it all together. It’s about being a real mom, in a real life, finding small ways to pour back into yourself amidst everything else you’re pouring out.
You don’t need more time. You need more intention with the time you have. And you can start with as little as two minutes a day.
So what’s your one thing? Pick it now. Do it tomorrow, ok? You’re already on your way.
Lila.
