Last Updated on January 31, 2026 by Lila Sjöberg
I remember the first week back at work after my maternity leave ended. I cried in the car park before going in. I cried pumping in a storage closet. I cried at home because I had missed bedtime again. I felt like I was failing at everything simultaneously — not present enough at work, not present enough at home, definitely not present for myself. If you are a working mother feeling like you are barely keeping your head above water, I want you to know: that feeling is almost universal, it is not a sign you are doing it wrong, and it does get easier. Here is everything I wish someone had told me.
Key Takeaways
The guilt is normal but not necessarily accurate — working mothers are not damaging their children, and the research actually shows benefits to children of having working parents as role models. You cannot do it all, and accepting this is not defeat but wisdom — something has to give, and choosing consciously what that is beats having it chosen for you by burnout.
Systems and support are not luxuries but necessities; the working mothers who seem to have it together usually have more help than is visible. Taking care of yourself is not selfish but strategic — you cannot pour from an empty cup, and burning out serves no one.
The Short Answer
Survive and thrive as a working mom by releasing perfectionism, building sustainable systems, accepting help, protecting non-negotiables, and addressing the guilt that serves no one. The goal is not balance (a myth) but intentional imbalance that shifts based on what each season requires.
The Guilt Spiral (And How to Escape It)
Let me start with the hardest part, because it colours everything else: the guilt. Working mother guilt is a special kind of torture. When you are at work, you feel guilty about not being with your kids. When you are with your kids, you feel guilty about the work you are not doing. When you take time for yourself, you feel guilty about both. It is exhausting.
Here is what finally helped me: recognising that guilt is a feeling, not a fact. Feeling like I was damaging my children by working did not mean I actually was. In fact, the research says otherwise — children of working mothers show no negative effects and often show benefits, including daughters who are more likely to be employed in supervisory roles and sons who spend more time on childcare and housework as adults.
Your children are not suffering because you work. They have a mother who models capability, ambition, and contributing to the world beyond the home. That is a gift, even when it does not feel like one.
The Something Has to Give Reality
You cannot do it all. I know you have heard this, but I need you to really hear it: you cannot do it all. Not do it all well. Not do it all without sacrificing your health and sanity. Something has to give — the question is whether you choose what gives or let burnout choose for you.
For me, what gives is a perfectly clean house. I have made peace with good enough tidiness and outsourced deep cleaning when budget allows. What also gives is elaborate meals — we eat simple, nutritious food that does not require hours of preparation. What gives is some social commitments — I say no more than I used to, protecting limited family time.
What does not give is time with my children when I am home — that is protected. What does not give is my basic health — sleep, movement, feeding myself properly. What does not give is the work quality that keeps me employed. Everything else is negotiable.
Decide consciously what gives for you. Write it down. When guilt creeps in about those areas, remind yourself that you made a deliberate choice to protect what matters most.
Systems That Actually Help
The working moms who seem to manage well usually have two things: help and systems. Let us talk about systems first.
Meal planning and batch cooking saved my weeknights. Spending a few hours on Sunday preparing meals for the week means I am not staring into the fridge at 6 PM wondering what to feed everyone. Our toddler meals guide has ideas that work for whole family eating.
A capsule wardrobe for myself and the kids reduced morning decision fatigue. Everything coordinates, nothing requires ironing, and getting dressed takes minutes not mental energy.
Routines for morning and evening run on autopilot. Everyone knows the sequence, things are prepared the night before, and we are not reinventing the wheel daily.
A family command centre — calendar, meal plan, to-do lists, school papers — keeps information centralised so my brain is not the only storage system.
Whatever systems work for your family, invest the time to set them up. The upfront effort pays dividends in daily sanity.
The Help Question
Now let us talk about help, because this is where many of us get stuck. We feel like we should be able to manage on our own. Asking for help feels like admitting failure. But here is the truth: no one does this alone. The working mothers who look like they have it together almost always have support that is not visible — partners who do equal share, family nearby, paid help, flexible employers, something.
What help do you actually have access to? Partner support, family, friends, paid childcare, house cleaners, meal services, grocery delivery? Use all of it. This is not cheating; this is being smart about finite resources.
What help could you access that you are not using? Could you afford occasional help if you reframed it as essential rather than luxury? Could you ask family for more? Could you trade childcare with another parent? Could you negotiate more flexibility at work?
Asking for and accepting help is not weakness. It is what allows you to keep going.
Protecting What Matters
When everything feels urgent, nothing is protected. You need non-negotiables — things that happen regardless of how busy or chaotic life gets.
My non-negotiables: I do bedtime whenever I am home. I protect weekend mornings for family time. I take fifteen minutes for myself daily, even if it is just sitting quietly with coffee before anyone else wakes. These are not much, but they are consistent, and consistency builds connection even in limited time.
Quality over quantity is not just a platitude — it is a survival strategy. An hour of fully present engagement with your child beats three hours of distracted presence. Put your phone away. Get on the floor. Follow their lead. Make the time you have actually count.
Work Boundaries (They Matter)
Many working mothers struggle with boundaries between work and home, especially with remote work blurring lines further. But boundaries are not optional — they are what make sustainable working motherhood possible.
Define your working hours and protect them as much as your role allows. When you are off, actually be off — not checking email during dinner, not taking calls during weekend family time. Your employer gets your working hours; your family gets the rest.
Communicate your constraints clearly. Most reasonable employers can work with boundaries when they know what they are. The problem is often that we never articulate them, hoping no one will notice we have limits.
If your workplace genuinely cannot accommodate basic boundaries, that is information about whether this job is sustainable for this season of your life.
Working Mom FAQ
How do I stop feeling like I am failing at everything?
Redefine success for this season. You are not failing — you are doing an incredibly difficult thing. Lower the bar where you can, celebrate small wins, and remember that feeling like you are failing is not the same as actually failing. Our burnout guide addresses when these feelings might signal something deeper.
My partner does not do equal share. How do I address this?
This requires direct conversation about expectations, division of labour, and what fair actually looks like when both parents work. Many couples benefit from explicitly listing all household and childcare tasks and dividing them deliberately rather than letting default patterns continue.
Should I feel guilty about loving my work?
Absolutely not. Enjoying your work, feeling fulfilled by your career, wanting to contribute outside the home — these are not things to apologise for. You can love your children and love your work. They are not in competition.
Is it worth it? Should I just quit?
Only you can answer this for your situation. Consider finances, career trajectory, personal fulfilment, and what each choice means long-term. Quitting is valid; staying is valid. The right answer depends on your circumstances, values, and what this season of life requires.
The Long View
This is the hardest season. I need you to know that. When your children are young and demanding, when your career is building and requires investment, when you are stretched impossibly thin — this is the hardest it will be.
It gets easier. Children become more independent. Careers become more established and often more flexible. You learn what actually matters and stop spending energy on what does not. The intensity of this season is not permanent, even when it feels infinite.
Your children will not remember a perfectly clean house or elaborate meals. They will remember that their mother showed them what it looked like to work hard, to juggle demands, to contribute to the world while still being present for them. That is a legacy worth the struggle.
You are doing something hard. Really, really hard. And you are doing it. That is not nothing — that is everything.
How are you managing working motherhood right now? What helps you survive the hard days? I would love to hear what is working — we need each other’s wisdom.
Lila.
I needed to hear that something has to give and choosing it consciously is wisdom, not failure. Please tell me I’m not failing?! 😂 I’ve been running on empty trying to do everything perfectly. Printed this out and stuck it on my fridge as a daily reminder. Thank you, Lila.
No! you’re not failing! You’re a great mom! 🥰
The part about help being invisible really hit me. I kept comparing myself to other working moms without realizing they had support I couldn’t see. Feeling less alone now.
You’re definitely not alone, Jessica. We all have invisible help — or invisible struggles. Glad this resonated. 💕